then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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