absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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