I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
