OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize