Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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