when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
