he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
