He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
