Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
