i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
