I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
