1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
