here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
