Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
