She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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