The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
