We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
