It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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