I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it glows. i had to have it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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