I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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