i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
