Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
