She's JV to your varsity
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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