You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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