I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
