I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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