He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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