omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
