Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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