two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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