3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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