He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She's the barista slut.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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