You made me cry and you don't even care
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
