so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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