oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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