The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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