ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
