can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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