i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
