I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
God, I missed his penis.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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