i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
