Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
