That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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