I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
