I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
