If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
