My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
