I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
