someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
