Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
