can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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