I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
