an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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