This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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