guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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