We're facebook friends in real life
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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