considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize