So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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