dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize