It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
