It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
