How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
