i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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