Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
