I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
