I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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