please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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