Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
