who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
