So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
