Umm I'm too high to move.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
