"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Best friends brother. Beat that.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
