We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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