My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
