How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
