Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
