Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
